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A few thoughts occasionally worth thinking... Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "kilroypoet" journal:

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May 15th, 2006
09:16 pm

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Some concern
I am somewhat concerned about her. I now have a much better understanding of what's actually going on, and why she is sometimes distant and sometimes close. She came by last night and stayed for a few hours, before finally going home. It was beautiful to spend that time with her, and when it was done; I was changed somewhat. It's a strange thing, a bit difficult to explain, but I feel like I'm somehow ready to move on. I still like her, and am quite interested in being with her, but it's not like I need her anymore. I'm fine either way, and don't need anybody, only deity; divine favor. It's a very liberating feeling.
I was hella tired today, but I'll be going to bed soon.

Current Mood: calmcalm

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May 14th, 2006
02:15 am

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Long day
I was in a pissy mood this morning; no chance to ground and stabilize myself after last night. My apologies to those who had to deal with me this morning. Then work, and I was better after a couple of hours.
Went swing dancing with Dallen; Dom and some other friends were there too. Corinne showed up with her sister and brother after a while, kind of funny. I pretty much ignored them, and they pretty much ignored me.
Then I got a couple of text messages from Sarah; kind of a surprise, since I really wasn't expecting to hear from her for a week or two. She wanted me to come visit her at work. It just so happened that Dallen and I had the car, so we two went to visit Sarah at work. Had a little bit of a visit; it was amusing. Finally got a goodbye hug from her, felt like things are normalizing a bit. I hope things continue to normalize and improve. Something was wrong, but she never shared it with me; that makes me a bit sad, but it's her business. I'll just pray for her, because I know that deity has a pretty good idea what's going on. If she wants me to be included in her circle of confidence at some point, that's her prerogative.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day, which I don't mind, mom's are important, and I love mine, but I had been wanting to spend the day in quiet meditation, grounding and balancing before school starts on Monday. I don't think I'll go over for very long.

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May 13th, 2006
01:46 am

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Comments
I adjusted the settings so now all comments are allowed, not just from registered users, because I know she has my address and wants to read it. That way she can comment if she is so inclined. (Yes, anonymous.) However, IP addresses are logged, so don't fuck with me. ("They can log IP's now... very innovative...")

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01:42 am

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Madness, and life.
Long Shit, read at your own risk.Collapse )
Been a long day, mostly. I'll see how the weekend goes, and keep y'all posted. Not like anybody reads this. Gods know I never get any comments. Now to try again to see if I can't get my internet to connect. Damn Comcast! Three technicians and this shitty connection still doesn't work properly.

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May 10th, 2006
11:25 am

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One more day
So last night was her last night of work; a double shift. Today she is sleeping all day, and when she wakes up she is driving; fourteen hours. She'll be here early tomorrow morning; we will hopefully be spending quite a bit of time together tomorrow and Friday. Then Saturday I have work at noon.

I have submitted my new schedule request to work, effective next week. Classes start Monday, which is going to be interesting. More credits than I've taken in any given semester before, summer, fall, spring; and then I graduate. As long as I don't fuck up and fail anything. But I really don't see that happening.

Those who understand most of my viewpoints don't really understand my decision to return to church. Still haven't had a chance to talk to the bishop... that's going to be interesting. Dominic thinks I'll be lucky to get off with disfellowship instead of excommunication. I'm hoping for a short period of disfellowship; I would have to be hopelessly naive to think I might get off with none. Sometimes I wonder... I'm really trying to discern the will of deity and act accordingly; let them direct my life. Certain things, though. A lot has come together, and I like that, but things get hard soon. I'm not going to chicken out if it's really divine will, but maybe there is still more of another path for me. For now, I walk the road I'm on, until again redirected.

Que Seja Abençoado.

Current Location: My bedroom
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

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April 30th, 2006
10:50 pm

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TMI?
She knows everything. It brings us both to tears. Can things still work? Pray God it may be so.

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April 29th, 2006
08:33 pm

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Lyrics
A Song I heard todayCollapse )
And it made me think of somebody.

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01:21 am

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Good news.
My "sister" is coming home. The timing is interesting. We had a long conversation, now she knows what really happened between us, which isn't really what she thought it was.

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April 23rd, 2006
09:49 pm

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School
I had decided to take some time off from school after this semester. Now I realized that if I take 17 credits per semester for 3 semesters, I can graduate one year from now and be done with school with a degree. Economics major, business minor.
In order to do so, I will need to quit my job and live off of student loans and savings for a year. I have the savings to do so, it's just a hard decision to make. Where are my advisors when I need them?

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07:18 pm

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Simple v. complicated
A close friend asked me a few minutes ago what I want to do with life. The answer is a list of options I haven't decided between. She then said I complicate life; make things more complicated than they are. She sees things as being very simple. Then her mom called, so the conversation didn't continue.
I think that she sees things as simple because she knows what she wants; her course is set. My life plan was derailed by untimely illness; since then I've taken a long circuitous journey to figure out what I really believe and what I really want. By the time I figured it out, it was just in time to lose what I really want. So now I'm choosing between various options, each of which are second choices, not my first choice. As a result, I see life as being more complicated. It would be simpler if my first choice were an available possibility.

Just a few thoughts.

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