A few thoughts occasionally worth thinking...
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "kilroypoet" journal:
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So I got serious so fast after my mission that I didn't really learn how the mormon social scene works. And then I was out of the church for awhile...
Now I'm trying to learn how it all works, and I really don't understand it that well.
She didn't actually call me that, but it sure as hell came out that way. Isn't part of the point of being in a relationship that you have a safe zone where you know people care about you and you won't get the same shit you get everywhere else?
I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you.
Current Mood: crushed
I drove to Springville to help Stephanie out on Monday; her car died, immediately followed by her cell phone, and she couldn't reach her folks; the only other phone number she had memorized.
So naturally I've spent the next few days dodging phone calls and trying to convince her that just because I'm a nice guy and willing to help her out in a jam, does NOT mean that we are suitable to get back together again.
The good news is I have an actual date tonight, and she just called to say she gets off work 30 minutes earlier than I was expecting. Oh happy day.
On Why Girls do That|
This girl I was interested in a few months ago came on messenger and started talking to me all sweet, "Hey baby", etc. like she was hot for me. She's made it pretty clear before that she's really not interested in me. At first I didn't even think it was really her, but I did a couple things to corroborate and it was. Alarm bells going off- she was coming on too heavy, and it was out of character, but I played along on the off-chance that she really was serious and not leading me on. Still, I kept myself emotionally detached. I was right; she was playing games with me. The let-down was small because I hadn't trusted it, but still... Why do girls do that?
So yesterday i took some time to unwind; my party in the evening was cancelled so I went to bed relatively early. Today I'm feeling much better, and starting to get some things accomplished. I did laundry and dishes and some reading and now I'm going to go for a run. It's a beautiful day.
Weird how Stephanie randomly contacts me out of nowhere and expects me to give her in-depth answers about what I'm doing with my life. This stage of my life is called... faith. It's the most difficult it's ever been, making decisions and fateful actions because it's what you feel is right, but no net. The only net I have is my Stafford money, which I haven't got yet, and no indication of when I will. As long as it's before rent is due in two weeks I'll be fine.
Work & quitting|
I woke up this morning more tired than I was when I went to bad last night. As I thought about the prospect of going to work today, I became more tired. As I thought about staying home and cleaning my apartment and restructuring the energy and getting some things done which I've been forced to put off, my energy returned. Not bone tired anymore.
The additional Stafford money they're giving me will keep me long enough to get some things in order in my life and find a better job. So I'm through with Progrexion. Good luck to all who are still there.
I was very introspective and thinking about posting and then when I got home it died in me. I need to seriously restructure the way the energy flows in my apartment. Way too much of Stephanie still here, and my discouragement and being sick and... yeah. I gave up and started applying to some of the positions I could get outside of Utah. I would have to make some kind of arrangement for the rest of this semester if i got a position, but it's not impossible.
So I'm using this alternative lending community to finance my business expansion, since the business loans have been declined. Shady bastards at the bank didn't tell me that I needed four years of credit history, only four lines.
|You Are 96% Open Minded|
You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.
You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.
You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.
|The Keys to Your Heart|
You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
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